I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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