she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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