If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
