I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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