just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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