I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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