guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
