I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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