she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You can't motorboat a personality
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
