my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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