I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
