I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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