i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
