Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
