he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂