I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."