For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My penis needs a shock collar
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?