I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.