He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.