i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.