I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.