We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
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if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
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Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.