he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.