I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.