dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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