Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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