low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My breasts were aching with rage.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
