he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
