And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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