Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize