Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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