Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
