Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
P.S. I can't hear my feet
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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