Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
