One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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