Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
