Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
