If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
