i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
