When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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