I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
