I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
