I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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