It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think people are normalizing furries
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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