Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
