If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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