I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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