In the future we'll all be gay
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
