I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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