yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
love makes seman taste better
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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