i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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