currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
