I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Shame - the story of my life.
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