my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
