you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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