My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
