cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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