Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
