The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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