All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
