Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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