Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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