we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She told me I should be a condom model.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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