Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
