When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
