Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
