i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
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Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
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I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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