It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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