Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
