somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
